JALEs - Joined at the left earers

It’s amazing how much a person can observe simply by virtue of having to stand perfectly still for exactly half an hour every day. I’m one of those relatively lucky mortals who get to take the Metro to work every day without having to face the horrors of a bus ride. Being in a state of suspended animation on the ride inevitably makes anything virtually impossible – reading, lounging or even texting for that matter.

The only activity for someone like me is people watching – an activity that is infinitely satisfying allowing for a daily dose of personality analysis sessions. Is the lady in blue chatting with her boyfriend? Is the guy in the pink shirt gay? Does that cute girl have a boyfriend? What are the husband and wife arguing about?

So you see the charade of so many characters of the world’s stage play out their roles for your benefit carries with it some kind of voyeuristic pleasure that is not beaten even by the newest offering on Colors- the one where a bunch of weird people are put into a house and then hidden cameras follow their orchestrated antics.

Within that little microcosm of humanity certain patterns of human behavior emerge that are seldom seen anywhere or can be seen everywhere. The two opposite poles of behavior patterns come together every morning and I enjoy the show.

An example of the omnipresent human behavior pattern is the banding together of girls for some kind of protection from numbers. However what kind of protection the banding together offers is anyone’s guess because the metro is jam packed and with tight jeans and tops even on the most misshapen of figures being de rigeur probably the eves don’t even realize that the uncleji rubbing past is having his moment of voyeuristic pleasure of a different kind.

Another thing is couples holding hands. The metro with its lack of space offers the most plausible excuse for all kinds of couples to hold hands with the dominant partner holding on to the handrail for support. Some even go to the extent of spooning their partners with the dominant one hanging on for dear life from the guard rail with both hands.

Then there’s the class of people who are LOUD. They shout at the top of their voices on their cell phones and don’t give half a flying fuck for any one else. So you’re treated to a long, unadulterated and rather racy account of just about anything under the sun which is pretty much everything.

But the thing that gets my goat and at times makes me laugh is the joined at the left ear syndrome. Being a joined at the left earer comes from the practice of using just one set of ear phones to listen to the music device held in the hand with each of the people sharing the device plugging it into their left ear only ( a fact established through days of observation.) The device could be an Ipod, a Discman, cell phone, whatever. The earphones are shared between two people who often have questionable aural hygiene. How they mange to avoid ear infections is a mystery to me.

The worst part is when they begin talking in addition to indulging their collective passions for music which makes it even more annoying because then they too begin to talk at a higher pitch adding to the cacophony of the metro. The sound of the recorded voice announcing the next station is often drowned out and with so many music players blaring out their music collectively it’s like being in a disco only you can just sway rather unrythmically to the movement of the train. I think that maybe the JALEs are people who are disco addicts. Otherwise they would either shut their music device or their mouths and in the process save tons of energy that is otherwise wasted.

Rajiv chowk is a huge relief. It acts like some kind of urban purgatory where every single weirdo gets off and only the serious office goers are left. Even then you have the perverts who use every opportunity to rub up against the body of their choice on their way in / out.
At the end of the day although there are enough irritants the most irritating remains the ones who are joined at the left ear.