I sit here in my secluded corner seat. What I do all day is a mystery to people here, they think I do nothing and enjoy myself. They know me as the go to guy, Mr. Dependable, Mr. Reliable, solver of problems, manager of issues - i'm the HR person. The person that does the thankless jobs and the useless stuff and yet manages to greet them with a smile.I'm a part of the service industry after all. I'm part of the brigade that's always supposed to be smiling. I'm right up there with air hostesses, restaurant staff and counter people. I'm supposed to be friendly, courteous, helpful and dignity personified.But no one gets my plight.
Every year between January and June comes the time that every one eagerly anticipates but is the HR person's worst nightmare - appraisal season. Once the letters are out to what extent will they be unhappy? and will it extend to their exiting? Mother hen instincts are at their sharpest and damage control strategies are all chalked out. To hell with succession planning, prevention of poaching is the main objective here.
A combination of roles are required to be played, move over Meryl Streep - the friendly neighbourhood HR guy is here. We are ready to switch from sympathetic listener, (Yes, its sooooo unfair that despite your 2 hour lunch breaks and your general tardiness your boss still gave you a 15% increment), to Daddy giving good advice, (Trust me, you will not be happy there, they will not turn a blind eye to your sloppy dressing like we did for 3 whole years, they won't understand what a free spirit you are), to confidante, (Tell me, between you and me, just how much are you selling out for????), to jilted lover, (You still won't stay??? Even after we promised to promote you next year IFF and ONLY IFF you pull up your socks and actually work.....) - we do it all with such panache that the reigning kings and queens of the marquee would weep with shame.
Method acting, we'll give you method acting. Acting sympathetic while all the while praying that the idiot you've been hoping against hope would leave actually does do so requires a discipline so rigid that you could end up with muscle spasms and migraines combined.
But that's post the letter. Don't get me started on the pre - letter phase. When everyone expects to get promoted. Each and everyone even the worst slacker suddenly picks up pace and stays till 10 pm to get the job done. The HR team becomes the subject of speculation - he's being extra nice to that man, is he going to be the next Head of Department???? He hasn't answered any of her questions, is she being asked to leave.
And the most trying of them all - the dickhead you absolutely hate who hasn't got a great increment and you're dying to fling it in his face but you can't.
Then there's the abominable nags - the ones who'll give anything to know how much they've got - from trying to surprise you with baseless numbers to saying stuff like,"I'll say some numbers and when I get to the one that I've got u smile okay? That way I know and you are safe." I mean seriously what part of the word "Confidential" don't you get???
Once the madness is over comes the most annoying part - you HR guys are sooooo lucky, you have no work at all......
Every year between January and June comes the time that every one eagerly anticipates but is the HR person's worst nightmare - appraisal season. Once the letters are out to what extent will they be unhappy? and will it extend to their exiting? Mother hen instincts are at their sharpest and damage control strategies are all chalked out. To hell with succession planning, prevention of poaching is the main objective here.
A combination of roles are required to be played, move over Meryl Streep - the friendly neighbourhood HR guy is here. We are ready to switch from sympathetic listener, (Yes, its sooooo unfair that despite your 2 hour lunch breaks and your general tardiness your boss still gave you a 15% increment), to Daddy giving good advice, (Trust me, you will not be happy there, they will not turn a blind eye to your sloppy dressing like we did for 3 whole years, they won't understand what a free spirit you are), to confidante, (Tell me, between you and me, just how much are you selling out for????), to jilted lover, (You still won't stay??? Even after we promised to promote you next year IFF and ONLY IFF you pull up your socks and actually work.....) - we do it all with such panache that the reigning kings and queens of the marquee would weep with shame.
Method acting, we'll give you method acting. Acting sympathetic while all the while praying that the idiot you've been hoping against hope would leave actually does do so requires a discipline so rigid that you could end up with muscle spasms and migraines combined.
But that's post the letter. Don't get me started on the pre - letter phase. When everyone expects to get promoted. Each and everyone even the worst slacker suddenly picks up pace and stays till 10 pm to get the job done. The HR team becomes the subject of speculation - he's being extra nice to that man, is he going to be the next Head of Department???? He hasn't answered any of her questions, is she being asked to leave.
And the most trying of them all - the dickhead you absolutely hate who hasn't got a great increment and you're dying to fling it in his face but you can't.
Then there's the abominable nags - the ones who'll give anything to know how much they've got - from trying to surprise you with baseless numbers to saying stuff like,"I'll say some numbers and when I get to the one that I've got u smile okay? That way I know and you are safe." I mean seriously what part of the word "Confidential" don't you get???
Once the madness is over comes the most annoying part - you HR guys are sooooo lucky, you have no work at all......
