Metrosexuals ahoy!

Coming from a small town the term Metrosexual was just that - a term I'd read in a newspaper article that defined many other kinds of sexual as well. I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, especially since the whole getting your arms waxed was something that girls did because they didn't want to look masculine, or that was what we grew up thinking.

Our concept of good grooming was restricted to splashing on a liberal dose of aftershave after getting rid of the minor fungal growth that grew on the face and stubbornly refused to lend itself to anything resembling a beard.

I recently took up a job in a metropolis. Here I came face to face with the real meaning of the term and in a way that branded itself into my psyche.

Over the weekend I decided that it was time to get a hair cut ( Don't ask about why I decided to do so, just let it suffice that I come from a really small town.) I walked into the local saloon thinking that I'd be out in no time especially since I couldn't see any one in the waiting area. Was I wrong.

The first thing that confronted me as I sat down was a huge bank of mirrors that ran all the way round the store. The feeling you get when walk into a swanky gymnasium and find your horrendously out of shape body reflected a hundred times over comes pretty close to describing how I felt at that point of time but the surprises had just begun.

Once my eyes had adjusted themselves to the horrible glare that pervaded the room and I was able to focus better, I did a double take. Why? Because all the chairs were occupied by people with multicolored faces.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and slowly backed out. Surreptitiously I glanced at the Signboard. It read "Smart GENTS Parlor." Hmmmmm........So I was in the right place. I took another deep breath and walked in and sat down.

Pretty soon it was obvious that the multicolored faces in red and black headbands were all men. I mean women wouldn't talk loudly on the phone in guttural tones now would they?WOULD THEY???????????? Imagine if you can a row of plush red leather chairs. Now also imagine those same chairs occupied by grotesquely obese, pot bellied, old (40 + classifies as old in any city) men wearing uniformly disgusting fluorescent shorts and jarring T-Shirts with equally disgusting messages on them.

If you haven't thrown up yet, imagine the same guys with beauty gunk on their faces yakking away on their mobiles about their latest sexual conquest with their garl frand ( girl friend ). ( Hey! Get a barf bag will you!)

Any way, the next thing that happened was that another pot bellied old gent came in and sat down next to me. The man in question took a good look at me and then said,"Which facial did you go for?" Oblivious to the shock on my face he carried on," You see we have the same skin type and since you haven't got a glow from the facial you went in for I thought I'd ask you so that I could avoid that one and get one that would give me a glow....."

As if this wasn't enough I had to sit through the indignity of watching another pot belly walk in, strip off his T-shirt and yell, " I vant a full bawdy vaks, full bawdy." To which the attendant without batting an eyelid at the bear in human form standing there and said,"Yes saar, of kawrse, pleeze to remove short and lie on the table at backside."

Before the poor horribly strained waistband of the "short" could move an inch, I hightailed it out of there. I decided that watching men get facials was bad enough, I didn't need to see the full monty. I suppose the term metrosexual could be applied to those guys but I think I'm happy being my old retrosexual self after all.